At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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