Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
