wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
