ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
