remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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