You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
