i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
