This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
