I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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