WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
