Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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