My first STD was from a foam party
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
