True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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