Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
