life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
