went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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