I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
