Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
