some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i think i have herpe
just one?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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