You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
