I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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