I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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