either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He better not be in your backpack
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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