I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
