I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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