I cockslap morals
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
