He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
