his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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