do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
