Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
