Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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