i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
