your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
