I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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