So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
