wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
