I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
