Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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