it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
