don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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