whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
