You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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