Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
