boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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