You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
