Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
