I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
