Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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