I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
