Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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