She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
