How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
whose parrot is this?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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