Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
