It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
