Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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