I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
