where does the pee come out of this thing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
