Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
