How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
