I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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