Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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