I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
