Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
