While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
