I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Randomize
