i already hear my dad disowning me
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
