Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
