I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize