I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
