We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
