my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She bit a glass in half.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize