My first STD was from a foam party
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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