DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize