can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
