You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
