so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
