I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
