I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
