I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
