hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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