We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
