i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
